how to not become a grumpy old asshole

or, how teaching reinforces our humanity

There are things that seem just “true”, and feel predictable. I know people (smart, allegedly), who say “MSG gives me a headache, so I avoid Chinese food.” Because they think the first part is TRUE, their avoidance is now predictable.

(hint: MSG does no such thing, this has been scientifically debunked, and the roots of this trope come from racist propaganda.)

Another example of this, something I’m seeing a lot of (given my age group), is how once you hit 50-something, or older, you lament that “young people just aren’t as XYZ as my generation was!”, with the typical observation being about work ethic, resilience, engagement, “family orientation” (whatever that means), political awareness, and stewardship of norms (with the assumption being that younger folks just inherit norms and should be grateful for the transference). This is so predictable. And the older folks complaining believe their’s is a unique moment in time, with generational amnesia seemingly shielding their brains from the reality of what their elders thought of them.

Left unchecked, these small complaints turn into a schtick. They go online, huddle at pickleball courts, visit their time-shares and gather around the pool to find confirmation of their views, as expressed by “Marge” and “Robert”. For them, these otherwise intelligent people, their personal theories have now been cemented as a “truth”. This is the “Seinfeld effect” (my own making), where you just complain on and on, without actually being funny (Seinfeld sucks, so does his show) or helpful in anyway.

Sadly, they are well on their way of assuming the persona of “grumpy old asshole”, which is heartbreaking, as it will further alienate them from the people they need the most in their lives: young people.

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I had the privilege of spending a couple of hours with students from Northwestern University a few weeks ago, as a guest speaker for my friend Jen Baker’s class, “Becoming the Leader You Want to Be.” For about 90 minutes, I exchanged ideas with a class of bright, caring, thoughtful young people, and it did me more good than it did them. The topic was “The future of work, in the age of AI”, and my theories were way out of left field. But that didn’t stop them from participating, from sharing their context and perspectives, and by the end of the class I found myself buzzing with hope for the future.

Young people have a lot to share, just like we did when we were younger. They need an opportunity to be seen, to be heard. Giving them this opportunity is the best way of keeping our humanity, getting more integrated as a culture (and not discarding our elderly, or punching down on the young). Teaching, or just sharing what we know, allows us to engage others from a place of nurture and care, and the default is to share. We share our experiences, and they in turn share their’s. It reconnects us with our own youth, which is so important as a method for not “othering” them.

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If you find yourself shitting on NPR or railing about how bad current music is, if you have more energy to complain about pronouns than you do for cardio, do yourself (and the rest of humanity) a favor and find someone half your age and see what you can share with them, and use that opportunity to learn as well. The grumpy asshole in you can be tamed, and being of services to the next generation is the ultimate cure.

a group of young people, teaching a younger generation